Last night, my oldest child, my 18 year old son told me that he has decided to move out, and go live with his best friend in the next state over. This didn't necessarily come as a surprise, because it had been in discussion, but, the fact that he has set a date, and made a plan, well, it just created the reality that my baby, my first born is ready to fly the coop.
Yes, i know this happens...i didn't expect him to live with me forever, but... i still can't help feeling sad and a little heart broken. At the same time though, i am proud of him for taking initiative and making the plans necessary. He is only moving about 6 hours away, and he has a house and a job waiting for him. He also said that this would be a stepping stone. He would save up, come home for a bit, and then wants to move up to a state further away, but a place where my sister, his aunt lives, so will also have a place to stay, and hopefully a job at her pizza shop.
As i wiped my teary eyes and cleared my throat, i told him that i am and always have been proud him and who he is. I told him that all i've ever wanted for my kids was to make sure that they're happy and that i really, truly do want them to go out and create their own lives. That i want them to have adventures and experiences, and that no matter what, he can always come home. I also told him that i expect him to conduct himself with self respect and always be true to himself.
After a long night of thinking about all of this, i came up with a few things i would like for my son to go away with.
So, son, as you begin a new chapter of your life, and enter into this new journey into manhood, here are a few words of advice from your mom:
*Conduct yourself with maturity and pride.
You may have situations where someone may look at you and think that you don't know anything, or perhaps they are just being rude or think it's ok to belittle you. You know who you are. Always stand up for yourself, and always look people in the eyes when speaking to them.
*Help someone in need.
You may be out on a hike and see someone with a flat tire on their mountain bike, or you see a little old lady struggling in a parking lot, step up, be the super hero of the story and HELP!
*Be honest.
I remember once when you were little, we were in line at our local Grower's Market and the man in front of us dropped a $20 bill. You picked it up and looked at me, and i just looked at you and nodded. You tapped on the gentleman's arm and let him know that he had dropped it. He looked and you said, "why, no, young man, i think that belongs to you!" You were elated. Now that may not always happen, and you shouldn't do good deeds to get something in return, but, remember that in one way or another, one good turn deserves another, and that karma will always come back to you.
*Eat well.
I know that most boys your age like to grab fast food, and stay up late eating Cheetos while playing video games. I see you do it regularly. I am asking that you take the time to actually eat fruits and veggies as often as possible. Since i won't be there to make you teas and give you tinctures when your sick, like i normally do, please remember to keep yourself healthy with food. Take your vitamins and keep some herbal teas handy for when your feeling under the weather. (i'll tuck some in your travel bag)
*Be compassionate.
If there is anything that i hope you have learned from me as you were growing up, it is to show compassion for others. You may not have been born with a silver spoon, or over privileged, but no matter what our circumstances have been, both your father and I have always worked hard to find a way to make sure that your have the essentials; food, warmth, clothing... As you know, some people don't even have that. In other words, there are many, many circumstance which could prompt someone to be acting a certain way. Because of that, being aware and just being a nice human being is always appreciated. You won't always know what someone else is experiencing, so, just act in a way that doesn't create more chaos, but rather, leave the situation better than it was. This may sound a lot like a few of the other rules on here already, but, they all work together really well when practiced, so, just practice them.
*Don't be a player.
Ok, yes, we are going to talk about sex. You are a young, handsome man who makes girls swoon. believe me, i have been to enough grocery stores and restaurants with you to have seen this happen time and time again. I also know that you know what it feels like to have your own heart played with. There will be trysts and one night stands, of this i am sure. Please, son. Even when you know you are never going to see someone again, at least shoot her a text telling her that you enjoyed your evening and that she's beautiful. Don't treat her like an object, and use your manners. If you do meet someone who may strike your fancy and you want to get to know her, don't follow some dumb rule about waiting a few days. Send her some flowers, or even a sweet text. Let her know... but don't smother her. Give her adequate space when she needs it.
*Save money.
This is, admittedly, something i myself have never been too good at. For this reason, and the fact that you have seen me in times of struggle with no extra padding to fall back on, i hope that you are able to earn not only the money needed for you to get by, but for you to be able to put an adequate amount into savings every month. This way you have it in there. You have that padding for when your car breaks down, or when your buddies say, "Hey, let's go to Cancun for spring break!" Or for when you need some rest and need to get a plane ticket and come home for a bit. I can not stress it enough.... SAVE MONEY!!!
*Be helpful
This one differs from "Help someone in need" in that, this is about daily activities. If you are at your own house, your friend's parent's house, your girlfriend's house, your mama's house (hint, hint), and you see dirty dishes, or a full trash can, take the initiative and do the chore. It usually only takes a minute, and the person you just helped out will be ever so grateful that the load is off of their shoulders. I promise. You will shine like a shining star!
*Go to concerts and festivals!
This may sound frivolous, but, you know what, son? Live music and interacting with other people in the realm of your favorite performers can be such a sweet experience. To dance and feel that music live is seriously one of the most amazing things in the world. Then, to have those stories to take with you, to tell your friends, and one day, your own kids, that's priceless.
*Go into nature as often as possible.
Wherever you may be, make sure to explore the woods, the lakes, the beaches. In this world of go, go, go, and hustle and bustle... taking time out to commune with nature is truly the best medicine there is. Your whole life, you were raised around nature and appreciating the dirt and the rocks and the trees. Never forgot your roots (no pun intended) and always remember the healing power of nature.
*DO YOUR ART!
I can NOT stress this one enough! You have had this amazing, natural talent since you were just a wee lad! That day, when you were, what, 4 or 5 and brought me that replica of your Yu Go Oh guy and i thought you traced it, until i saw that it was on card stock... i have been amazed with your drawings! Please don't let that die with adulthood. Whether it's for fun, for relaxation, or you are able to make a career out of it, never, EVER stop making art!
*Never stop learning.
Wherever you are, whatever your doing in life, keep on learning! Learn how to fix your car, learn how to build stuff, learn how to make a cake. Pick up a book, take a class, or ask a friend who knows how to do something you want to do. Just keep learning. The more skills you have in your bag, the better off you are in life.
*Be true to yourself...ALWAYS
You have a strong sense of self to begin with, which is wonderful. Keep that! Let it grow! You know that intuition you have always had? Use it! If you are feeling a pull toward something, or away from something, go with that. Trust your gut, and stay true to your dreams. Like i like to say, "Follow your bliss", and don't ever let anyone tell you that who you are, or what you do is wrong. You are YOU, you are the only person in your head, and who gets to live your life. I know i am bias here, but, son, you are ONE FUCKING INCREDIBLE HUMAN BEING!!!!
*Lastly..... CHECK IN!
While you are going to be out there in the great big world, living your life, and becoming an adult, your mama will be here, worrying. It's what i do. Remember... when i don't here from you while we are in the same town, i think you're dead in a ditch! Imagine what's going to be going through my mind while you are in different towns and states??? Just, please, do your old mama a favor and check in once in a while! A quick text to say you're ok will do my heart so much good! Oh, and if i text or call... please respond in a timely manner!
I know this seems like a lot, and some of it may seem redundant, but, these words are my gift to you. They are things i hope you always remember in your life. More than anything, you are my first baby to leave the nest.... my heart hurts at the very thought, but, at the same time, i am super excited for your journey and what comes next. Remember that you always have a home to come back to.
I love you dearly!
Be Safe!
Be Brave!
And ALWAYS be YOU!!!!
Love,
Mom
