From Boy to Man: a few words of advice from mom.

Last night, my oldest child, my 18 year old son told me that he has decided to move out, and go live with his best friend in the next state over.  This didn't necessarily come as a surprise, because it had been in discussion, but, the fact that he has set a date, and made a plan, well, it just created the reality that my baby, my first born is ready to fly the coop.  

Yes, i know this happens...i didn't expect him to live with me forever, but...  i still can't help feeling sad and a little heart broken.  At the same time though, i am proud of him for taking initiative and making the plans necessary. He is only moving about 6 hours away, and he has a house and a job waiting for him.  He also said that this would be a stepping stone.  He would save up, come home for a bit, and then wants to move up to a state further away, but a place where my sister, his aunt lives, so will also have a place to stay, and hopefully a job at her pizza shop.  

As i wiped my teary eyes and cleared my throat, i told him that i am and always have been proud him and who he is.  I told him that all i've ever wanted for my kids was to make sure that they're happy and that i really, truly do want them to go out and create their own lives.  That i want them to have adventures and experiences, and that no matter what, he can always come home.  I also told him that i expect him to conduct himself with self respect and always be true to himself.  

After a long night of thinking about all of this, i came up with a few things i would like for my son to go away with. 
 So, son, as you begin a new chapter of your life, and enter into this new journey into manhood, here are a few words of advice from your mom:

*Conduct yourself with maturity and pride.

     You may have situations where someone may look at you and think that you don't know anything, or perhaps they are just being rude or think it's ok to belittle you.  You know who you are.  Always stand up for yourself, and always look people in the eyes when speaking to them.

*Help someone in need.

     You may be out on a hike and see someone with a flat tire on their mountain bike, or you see a little old lady struggling in a parking lot, step up, be the super hero of the story and HELP! 

*Be honest.

     I remember once when you were little, we were in line at our local Grower's Market and the man in front of us dropped a $20 bill.  You picked it up and looked at me, and i just looked at you and nodded.  You tapped on the gentleman's arm and let him know that he had dropped it.  He looked and you said, "why, no, young man, i think that belongs to you!"  You were elated.  Now that may not always happen, and you shouldn't do good deeds to get something in return, but, remember that in one way or another, one good turn deserves another, and that karma will always come back to you.

*Eat well.

     I know that most boys your age like to grab fast food, and stay up late eating Cheetos while playing video games.  I see you do it regularly.  I am asking that you take the time to actually eat fruits and veggies as often as possible.  Since i won't be there to make you teas and give you tinctures when your sick, like i normally do, please remember to keep yourself healthy with food.  Take your vitamins and keep some herbal teas handy for when your feeling under the weather.  (i'll tuck some in your travel bag)

*Be compassionate.  

    If there is anything that i hope you have learned from me as you were growing up, it is to show compassion for others. You may not have been born with a silver spoon, or over privileged, but no matter what our circumstances have been, both your father and I have always worked hard to find a way to make sure that your have the essentials; food, warmth, clothing... As you know, some people don't even have that.  In other words, there are many, many circumstance which could prompt someone to be acting a certain way.  Because of that, being aware and just being a nice human being is always appreciated.  You won't always know what someone else is experiencing, so, just act in a way that doesn't create more chaos, but rather, leave the situation better than it was. This may sound a lot like a few of the other rules on here already, but, they all work together really well when practiced, so, just practice them.

*Don't be a player.

     Ok, yes, we are going to talk about sex.  You are a young, handsome man who makes girls swoon.  believe me, i have been to enough grocery stores and restaurants with you to have seen this happen time and time again.  I also know that you know what it feels like to have your own heart played with.  There will be trysts and one night stands, of this i am sure.  Please, son.  Even when you know you are never going to see someone again, at least shoot her a text telling her that you enjoyed your evening and that she's beautiful.  Don't treat her like an object, and use your manners.  If you do meet someone who may strike your fancy and you want to get to know her, don't follow some dumb rule about waiting a few days.  Send her some flowers, or even a sweet text.  Let her know... but don't smother her.  Give her adequate space when she needs it.  

*Save money.

     This is, admittedly, something i myself have never been too good at.  For this reason, and the fact that you have seen me in times of struggle with no extra padding to fall back on, i hope that you are able to earn not only the money needed for you to get by, but for you to be able to put an adequate amount into savings every month. This way you have it in there.  You have that padding for when your car breaks down, or when your buddies say, "Hey, let's go to Cancun for spring break!"  Or for when you need some rest and need to get a plane ticket and come home for a bit.  I can not stress it enough.... SAVE MONEY!!!

*Be helpful
     This one differs from "Help someone in need" in that, this is about daily activities.  If you are at your own house, your friend's parent's house, your girlfriend's house, your mama's house (hint, hint), and you see dirty dishes, or a full trash can, take the initiative and do the chore.  It usually only takes a minute, and the person you just helped out will be ever so grateful that the load is off of their shoulders.  I promise.  You will shine like a shining star!

*Go to concerts and festivals!
     This may sound frivolous, but, you know what, son?  Live music and interacting with other people in the realm of your favorite performers can be such a sweet experience.   To dance and feel that music live is seriously one of the most amazing things in the world.  Then, to have those stories to take with you, to tell your friends, and one day, your own kids, that's priceless.

*Go into nature as often as possible.
     Wherever you may be, make sure to explore the woods, the lakes, the beaches.  In this world of go, go, go, and hustle and bustle...  taking time out to commune with nature is truly the best medicine there is.  Your whole life, you were raised around nature and appreciating the dirt and the rocks and the trees.  Never forgot your roots (no pun intended) and always remember the healing power of nature.

*DO YOUR ART!
     I can NOT stress this one enough!  You have had this amazing, natural talent since you were just a wee lad!  That day, when you were, what, 4 or 5 and brought me that replica of your Yu Go Oh guy and i thought you traced it, until i saw that it was on card stock...  i have been amazed with your drawings!  Please don't let that die with adulthood.  Whether it's for fun, for relaxation, or you are able to make a career out of it, never, EVER stop making art!

*Never stop learning.
     Wherever you are, whatever your doing in life, keep on learning!  Learn how to fix your car, learn how to build stuff, learn how to make a cake.  Pick up a book, take a class, or ask a friend who knows how to do something you want to do.  Just keep learning.  The more skills you have in your bag, the better off you are in life.

*Be true to yourself...ALWAYS
     You have a strong sense of self to begin with, which is wonderful.  Keep that!  Let it grow! You know that intuition you have always had?  Use it!  If you are feeling a pull toward something, or away from something, go with that.  Trust your gut, and stay true to your dreams.  Like i like to say, "Follow your bliss", and don't ever let anyone tell you that who you are, or what you do is wrong.  You are YOU, you are the only person in your head, and who gets to live your life.  I know i am bias here, but, son, you are ONE FUCKING INCREDIBLE HUMAN BEING!!!!

*Lastly.....  CHECK IN!
     While you are going to be out there in the great big world, living your life, and becoming an adult, your mama will be here, worrying.  It's what i do.  Remember... when i don't here from you while we are in the same town, i think you're dead in a ditch!  Imagine what's going to be going through my mind while you are in different towns and states???  Just, please, do your old mama a favor and check in once in a while!  A quick text to say you're ok will do my heart so much good!  Oh, and if i text or call...  please respond in a timely manner!  

I know this seems like a lot, and some of it may seem redundant, but, these words are my gift to you. They are things i hope you always remember in your life.  More than anything, you are my first baby to leave the nest....  my heart hurts at the very thought, but, at the same time, i am super excited for your journey and what comes next.  Remember that you always have a home to come back to.
I love you dearly!
Be Safe!
Be Brave!
And ALWAYS be YOU!!!!

Love,
Mom
     

When Life Hands You Lemons...

How much lemonade can one make?  Seriously?  How freakin' much?  

I am grateful everyday for my blessings, really i am, but...  the taste of sour lemons has created such a thick coat of muck in my mouth, i am ready to throw in the towel sometimes!

I'm not perfect, i make mistakes, but, don't we all?  I mean... don't we?  Is it just me, or does life sort of like to kick us when we're down?  This idea, this thought process i've always had that the energy i give, i will receive.  I'm kind, i always use my manners, i hold doors open for people, i smile at people, i even go up to random stangers to tell them that i like their hair or outfit, or to let them know that their tag is sticking up or they have something stuck to them.  You know,, one of those nice people in the world.  I work very hard at being emotionally responsible with my kids, always with words of encouragement, and several "i love yous" a day. Well, that idea tends to fade the older i get.  The more i find myself with more lemons!

I used to be a super happy human.  Always smiling, always positive.  As much as i could, anyway.  I was in a very unhappy marriage for far too long, and was miserable at home.  But, when i was out an about, i was sincerely happy.  I loved being around my friends.  I loved taking the kids for walks or to the park, but, i remember that being at home turned me into a different person.  So much so, that my kid's dad would accuse me of being fake while i was out with friends or a work.  He would say that people didn't really know the real me because i was always putting on an act with them.  I could never quite get him to understand that i wasn't acting at all.  The me that i was around my friends or at work was real.  I was happy.  The me i was at home was real too.  i was cranky and unhappy.  It was all very, very real! 

Don't get me wrong, we had our moments, our laughs, our fun, but, deep down, i knew that if i left a mess in the kitchen, or didn't sweep just right, i'd be yelled at.  There was the time that i went out with some girlfriends. We were going to see a friend of a friend at a singer/songwriter showcase.  Apparently  i told the husband that i'd be home around 9.  That's what he heard anyway.  In my memory, the singer we wanted to see wasn't due to go one until 9.  I had 2 small children at home, so going out with friends at this time was a rarity.  We were still fairly new in town and these girls were new friends.  After the performance, we walked back to the friend's house that we had all parked at.  The moon was full and she was at the top of a hill that faced the moon.  We stood outside and chatted for probably 3 or 4 hours.  You know, those nights when the conversation is just so good you can't stop?  I remember looking down the street a few times wondering if the family Volvo would come around the corner with the husband and kids looking for me.  He didn't know where this friend lived though.  So, finally, somewhere around 1 or 2, (we actually hadn't even realized it had gotten that late), we all headed home.  I had ridden down with one of the ladies.  She dropped me off and the house was dark.  i know i was "in trouble".  I sent her on her way, even though she knew i couldn't get in.  Yep, that's right, i had been locked out of my own house while the husband and the kids slept inside.  i knocked and knocked.  i even went to the side door that entered into out bedroom, right by the bed and knocked and knocked, calling his name to be let in.  I finally saw that the bathroom window was ajar, so i pulled a bin of dogfood over to stand on and hoisted myself up into it.  Luckily i was skinny, it was one of those smallish bathroom windows.  Of course he was laying there waiting for me, and we ended up in a big fight over where i was.  I apologized for being so late, (we didn't have a cel phone yet, this was around 2002)He told me that he'd left the bathroom window open for me, he figured i'd see it eventually.  I"m sure we made up, as usual, but not after the usual "go round".  The thing with us, just as a side note, was that there was no such thing as make up sex.  As the years went by and the fights didn't stop, my attitude toward him became more one of loathing, then love.  I loved him like family, but not as a wife should love her husband.  Yet...i stayed.  I became more and more miserable.  I know he found me harder and harder to be around.  

The point i am trying to make with that story is this, i am a happy person.  i have a passion for life, a lust for life so to speak.  I always have.  My kid's dad saw it back when we were young and dating, but, i know that it faded after a few years, so he saw me as a miserable bitch.  Which i was, but only at home.  

The point of all of this is not to bash someone who clearly has their own issues, but to try and figure out, but clearing my own mind, why, through my positivity, do i continue to have "life's lemons" handed to me., 

Lately, i feel as though life has been handing me more and more lemons, which is what this entire post is supposed to be about anyway.  I am currently a mom of 3 without a car.  The car that i've been driving for almost 2 years was stolen recently.  It was just swiped from out in front of my house.  Missing without a trace! As my teenage son would say, "SUCKISH"!!!

Everytmie i feel as though i'm beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel, i get another slap from somewhere else.  I want to love my life again.  I do! I do! 

I am grateful for my kids, for my job, for my friends, for my art.... 

It would just be nice to stop feeling so much anxiety all the damn time though.  Like, "what next?" ya know?

So, i suppose, the moral of this story is to keep making that lemonade and maybe, occasionally spike it with vodka, huh?

Be Grateful

Be Brave

Be Kind

Be Yourself

and always Follow Your Bliss