Dead & Co 4th of July 2016

*** This was written by me, 4th of July weekend, 2016***

(just now editing and publishing)

I just got back from the most amazing weekend!
I ran off with The Grateful Dead!
When you first meet me, you will see a big smile and greenish eyes.  Usually a cute outfit of some sort that I cleverly put together from thrift store duds, and always a lot of jewelry.  As you get to know me, get to know my story, you will understand that things are not always what they seem.  That we all have had the journey behind us, to get to where we are, and make us who we are.  My heart is big, and my soul is old, but my spirit is young and free.  In my early 20s, I did what a lot of young people were doing in the 90s. I was going to concerts, going on trips both physically and in an enhanced mind trip sort of world.  I, myself spend most of the early 90s in Southern Cali, working at Disneyland, doing a little modeling and such for extra money and hanging out with the hippies on Venice beach.  Then one day I got to see the Dead play in California.... my life was never the same. 
I feel lucky to say that I got to see Jerry a few times before he died and enjoyed several shows on the west coast from 92 and 95.  I wasn't a super follower, so, I wouldn't want any Deadhead who has been to hundreds of shows to think i'm comparing myself in any way, but I did see them and I did love the  experience, every single time! The people, the parking lot, the feeling of unity and love, the sights, the smells, and of course, the music.
I moved back to Albuquerque sometime in '94 for school and to be near my family.  In '95, I started working at the great little hippy shop in Nob Hill, called Birdland.  Tye dies, tapestries, Grateful Dead art and paraphernalia.  The owners were a wonderful couple who I soon became very, very close to.  While I worked there, I met Grateful Dead artist Michael Everett and The Grateful Dead Hour host David Gans, along with an assortment of local 
Deadheads and fabulous people!  What a fun time! 
We had some great events and parties surrounding the local Deadhead community.  Such a wonderful time in my life.  During that time, i met and married someone i met working at a local nightclub.  Great guy, we had some wonderful moments, lots of camping and hiking and getting high, but, alas, he was not a Deadhead.  He never understood my love of the lifestyle.  I mean, he got used to me being a hippy, crunchy girlfriend and later, mom, but... never did go to a show with me.  
15 years and 3 kids later, we finally called it quits.  That shitshow story is for another post.
After a few years of being single and dating around, i met a wonderful man in the smallish mountain town we had been living in, in Northern AZ.  On our 2nd date, he wore a Grateful Dead shirt! i knew then he was "the one".
We spent 2 years together, loving one another so hard, i thought i was on a cloud.  Unfortunately, circumstances were not ideal, and again, leaving my long, sad story for  another post, i moved back to Albuquerque, because of my kids and a long drawn out custody battle with my ex husband.  I left the town i loved, the job i loved, the family of wonderful people i'd created, that i loved, and most of all, the man i was madly in love with.  Having felt that kind of love with someone for the 1st time in my life, now in my early 40s, and having to leave him behind and choose being near my kids nearly shattered my spirit.  It broke my heart in way that made me feel somedays like i was literally dieing.
When The Dead announced their Anniversary shows last summer, i wanted to go SO bad!  It just wasn't a good time financially or emotionally to rally and get to The Bay area.  When the fall tour was announce, an ex boyfriend of mine, got us tickets.  We'd been broken up, we still kept in contact once in a while, and were trying to remain friends.  When he bought those tickets though, told me, no matter what, he wouldn't have wanted to take anyone else.  We met in Flagstaff the day after Thanksgiving and drove to Vegas together.  
We had floor tickets and went as far up to the front as we could and got to see Dead & Co together, just a few feet from Bobby and Johnny.
It was such a blast!  

So, now it's summer and Dead and Company is on tour.  My Deadhead friends in Albuquerque have all talked about what shows they're going to, and i've been wondering off and on how i can get to a few.  
This past week, my friend Jenny says "let's go Boulder this weekend hope for a miracle"
Well, i had other plans, but, couldn't help but think about how much i wanted to see my guys play!  Little by little, things regarding my 1st plans started to fall apart, and getting to go see the boys in CO started to magically come together!  Then on thursday, one friend who was supposed to go decided she couldn't and was trying to get rid of her ticket for saturday! That was it! i had to do it!
Friday afternoon i hopped in my friend's volvo with her, her 15 month old and another friend, and got on I-25 north to CO~
As is always the case, the closer i get to the venue where The Dead is playing, and i start to see signs of "my peeps", i get that excited and wonderful feeling of being "home".
We got there a little late and didn't get to actually enjoy the lot scene, but, just being around the crowd and going into the massive arena with all of the Deadheads was like heaven!
The boys jammed about as hard as i'd ever seen or heard them jam , and love him or hate him, John Mayer is FUCKING AMAZING!!!!!
Good Golly Miss Molly!  What an amazing show!!!!!
Here's the setlist if anyone is interested:
 http://www.setlist.fm/setlist/dead-and-company/2016/folsom-field-boulder-co-5bff93ac.html

***

Day Two

The girls and I headed back to our hotel room to sleep and get ready for the Sunday show! (Never miss a Sunday show!)

We had already decided that we were going to spend the day on the lot.  Old school style Dead Lot!

Shakedown Street

WOW!  i have not felt like that, and had such fun since my old Dead days in the 90s!  We ran into people we knew, we sold our handmade wares, i did henna, and yes, we smoked a lot of pot! (Hey, we were in Colorado!)

My friends had tickets for that night, i however, did not.  All day, as we people watched from the car, i saw Deadheads walking by with signs asking for a miracle, or just with one or two fingers up in the air.  A sign that they needed tickets.  I definitely wanted to go, but, hadn't stressed about it at all.  i guess i just thought i'd figure it out, ya know?

So... as everyone decided to start heading up toward the stadium, i figured i'd just walk up with 'em.  As my friends all entered, my friend Jenny yells back at me, "i'll see you in 10 minutes".  I stood there for a few, one finger up in the air... just hoping for that miracle...

Then, behind me, i hear "hey, do you need to get in?"  i turned around and there were 3 guys and a girl sticking a paper ticket out of the fence at me! One of the guys says "Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, We love you, Have fun!"  

I WAS FREAKIN' MIRACLED A TICKET!!!!!

i was too excited for words! i ran in and went straight to where i knew my friends would be!  They had stopped at the restroom, and hadn't even gotten there yet!  They were so happy to see me when they did get there!  

Another night of dancing to our fave!  Something i've said about those 2 shows, is that, as fantastic as the Saturday show was, it was a crowded stadium and i felt like the boys played for the masses.  Oh, it was AMAZING, but... Sunday's show? Now THAT was worth going to!  Those boys played for shear, unadulterated FUN!!!!  We, the audience, the fans, the Deadheads were privy to one hell of a show! It felt like we were each getting a personal show.  It was so powerful and perfect! 

Leaving that show felt like i was leaving one of the best church services i had ever been to.  Like i had just had a spiritual experience like now other.

I for one can NOT wait for 2017 tour! 

Oh, and if Johnny Boy is still single.... 

<3

Open Letter to Amanda Fucking Palmer

Dear Miss Palmer,

How are you? No, Scratch that.

What have you been up to lately? No... cheezy!

How is 2016 treating you? Nope, Uh! Uh!

Dear Amanda,

I have a question for you,

What feeds your soul?  I mean, really.  You are this amazingly wild and untamed beauty who seems to have a wonderful and charmed life.  So, tell me.... WHAT FEEDS YOUR SOUL?  What really makes you tick?  It could be different today than it was yesterday.  Perhaps, It's even changed in the last 5 minutes.  Or, is there something that has always stood with you, to calm you in times of absolute madness, and to ease you when your heart is falling out of your chest. That thing that you crave and dream of and that gives you the feeling of most passion and gratitude for being alive?  You know what i'm talking about, you artistic, free spirited girl.  That thing that gives you wings!

Miss Palmer, may take a moment of your time to chat?  i have watched your career from afar, and have thought to myself, "now that's a women who doesn't give up".  As a fellow woman in this country, a mother, an artist, a Bernie supporter, i admire that trait so much!  We have all been handed this amazing and powerful life, and sometimes we are faced with roadblocks that could actually bring us to our end.  Believe me, i know! May i share? 

 I'm a 43 year old mother of 3 living in Albuquerque, NM.  I am divorced from their father and have had to make a go of it alone for the past 6 years.  Our marriage was decent, but, he was rough on me.  He seemed to find joy in making me miserable.  To be fair, we had a decent friendship, when not fighting, but, there was no real love, no true passion.  My oldest is 17, (hold onto that baby of yours and smooch him every second you get because you will blink your eyes and he will be graduating from high school).  He's handsome and artistic and owns my heart.  He's is a senior this year, and is chomping at the bit to get out into the world and travel and find himself.  My middle child is a gorgeous, blue eyed beauty.  She's an honor student and wants to be a surgeon, oh, and she's transgender, so there's that.  My baby is 7.  He's precious and golden.  He has been the subject of a heartbreaking and soul crushing custody battle for which i was not victorious.  I only get to see him every other weekend right now, and i cry every single day.  This girl who was once a pretty thing, even the muse of several artists has allowed salty tears to turn into lines and crevices on her face.  The tell tale signs of pain and a rough journey. i hold tight to hope, though.  Ya know?  You see, i am one of those people who was born seeing the world through rose colored glasses.  i have always seen the good in people and situations.  The eternal optimist.  The last couple of years have pushed me beyond my limits though, let me assure you. From about 2002,  I was living in a little mountain town in Northern AZ.  After the kid's dad and i split, i had my children going back and forth about 50% of the time, worked at a rockin' cool indy bookstore, had a small artsy business with my best friend doing henna at festivals, had started a tour business, giving the haunted tours of the old wild west town i lived in, (you and Neil should visit there, you'd love it! i'll meet you there and give you the grand, historical tour) an absolutely AMAZING group of supportive friends, and i had the sweetest, kindest boyfriend anyone could have asked for.  For the 1st time in many, many years, i was happy.  Then, the kid's dad decided that he wanted to move back to Albuquerque.  He had a partner, and they wanted to start a new life in his hometown.  Long story short, after lots of debates within my own heart, a few backs and forths, a long and painful custody battle, i made my way back to "the land of enchantment".  i left my life behind and came home to NM to be near my kids.  Talk about more heartbreak.  It's been interesting and i'm finally, almost a year later, finding my groove.  i miss my friends, my community and my sweet lover.  He and i have, after plenty of tears and heart wrenching conversations, decided to release one another.  This too has been completely heart breaking to me, being as how i really thought he was "the one", at least, i know that for the 1st time in my life, i could honestly say that i know what it was like to be in love.  Like you mentioned in your book, about your relationship with Neil being different, this man made me feel safe, loved and at home.  Letting him go has been like giving a piece of me away to someone i don't know.

I'm sharing all of this with you because i believe you to be a kindred spirit.  After reading your book "The Art of Asking", i felt like i related to you in several ways.  So many jobs, so many lovers, trying to live in the world that we don't really fit into.  I have made several attempts to live as an artist, but, as a single mom, i have always resorted to having to find work outside of the home.  i have waited a lot of tables and i have served a lot of coffee.  I now find myself in a regular, 9-5 position because i needed to be able to pay rent on time and not be kicked out on the street.  i actually like my new job, and i think i can really make a go of it.  Art has taken a bit of a back burner, but, i do make time for it as often as i can. As an eternal creatrix, my thrift store wardrobe and the food on my plate tend to all be artistic expressions.  It's just the kind of person i was put on this earth to be, i suppose.  

I have enjoyed watching you, via social media, ease into motherhood.  Seeing breastfeeding pics of you and your little one bring me so much joy!  I was a homebirthing, baby wearing, extended and public breastfeeding mama and i advocated for "breast is best" whenever i had a soap box to stand on.  I even started a group in my town that i called "Boobs not Bombs".  We did nurse ins and natural parenting classes and mama gatherings.  Knowing the kind of "rockstar woman" you are, seeing you in precious poses with your child is heart warming.  i absolutely adore you for it!

Perhaps you are wondering why i would even chose to take the time to type this all out for you.  Well, i know that you are performing in Santa Fe this coming friday night and, well, i would love to get and Amanda Palmer hug.  Your show sold out before i could buy a ticket, as did your Bernie rally recently, but, if you could give me a minute or two, to give you a squeeze, hold your hands in mine and look into your eyes as kindred souls, bosom pals, it would mean a lot.  I am planning on heading up to Santa Fe as soon as i get out of work on friday.  My dear friend lives there, so, if anything, we'll make a girls night out of it, i believe that one of our local Grateful Dead cover bands is playing there that night... (yes, i LOVE me some Grateful Dead!!!).  I have fashioned you a handmade treat, and will at least drop it by the venue you're playing at, but, if you have any time for a fellow, intense, passionate, and full of heart woman and kindred spirit to give a squeeze to,and to answer the question: What feeds your soul? Please let me know.

In this world, no matter what we do, or who we are, making connections with others who understand us, seems to be the only way to get by.

My dear, much love to you, Neil and that little bitty boy.

Besos,

Madeline Mariposa

I'm the little mama in the middle, this was at my daughter's 8th grade graduation last fall

Bushai 16

Ronin 14

Spring 2015

Me and my baby, he was cranky

My beautiful girl, she was 14 here.

a mama and her munchkins, sometime last year.

a

Christmas 2014

me and my toothless meep! <3